I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
