Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
