finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch