i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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