i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
