She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
