you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
