too bad you live with your parents still
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
