I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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