Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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