As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
