Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
