it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
