it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
