I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
