We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
