just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
