I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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