so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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