Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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