I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize