here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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