Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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