it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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