can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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