If that was your dad, he is hot
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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