better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
