Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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