i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
