her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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