i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
