Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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