I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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