I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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