I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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