I hate your face
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
