Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wear drunk well.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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