it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
