i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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