im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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