I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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