i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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