my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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