I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
