just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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