dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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