I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
