You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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