We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
