she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's blow job season.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
