South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this boner is exhausting
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to cum in my sink.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
