I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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