I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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