well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
