maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
