he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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