I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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