We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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