Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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